At about 2:00pm. We were having a Thanksgiving Day lunch at Mullet Central (also known as Ryan’s Steakhouse) in Lake Jackson, TX. Yes, that Lake Jackson, of Ron Paul fame. Mom and I were sitting there with my cousin, her mother (mom’s sister), her husband and 3 kids. They had something else to do this evening and I sat there realizing that I craved these people’s company. I could have happily stayed there with them in this family restaurant with it’s ugly maroon striped wallpaper, oaken tables and too familiar waitresses all day.
I have been too long everyday in the company of someone in the grips of depression to not fall into it myself. I knew this would happen when I embarked upon this journey. She needs me, thus I am here. But being here has a price that I have desperately been trying not to pay.
I have managed to escape for a little while in the company of friends. I have been (mostly) meditating daily. I have been talking to my sweetie everyday (the gods alone understand how much I miss you). I have been talking and ranting to my friends, those dear people who are constantly pinging and checking up on me, offering an ear and a shoulder.
The truth of it is that I am barely keeping my head above the water in this endless ocean of negativity and loss. My boat has long since sunk, being crushed by the endless onslaught of the storm of my mother’s making.I cannot leave. My job is not yet done. She is not yet ready. I see improvements –not all is lost. She is better than the day before and the day before that. However, the season is still quiet. And thus I persevere. Somehow.
