22 November 2007
At about 2:00pm. We were having a Thanksgiving Day lunch at Mullet Central (also known as Ryan’s Steakhouse) in Lake Jackson, TX. Yes, that Lake Jackson, of Ron Paul fame. Mom and I were sitting there with my cousin, her mother (mom’s sister), her husband and 3 kids. They had something else to do this evening and I sat there realizing that I craved these people’s company. I could have happily stayed there with them in this family restaurant with it’s ugly maroon striped wallpaper, oaken tables and too familiar waitresses all day.
I have been too long everyday in the company of someone in the grips of depression to not fall into it myself. I knew this would happen when I embarked upon this journey. She needs me, thus I am here. But being here has a price that I have desperately been trying not to pay.
I have managed to escape for a little while in the company of friends. I have been (mostly) meditating daily. I have been talking to my sweetie everyday (the gods alone understand how much I miss you). I have been talking and ranting to my friends, those dear people who are constantly pinging and checking up on me, offering an ear and a shoulder.
The truth of it is that I am barely keeping my head above the water in this endless ocean of negativity and loss. My boat has long since sunk, being crushed by the endless onslaught of the storm of my mother’s making.I cannot leave. My job is not yet done. She is not yet ready. I see improvements –not all is lost. She is better than the day before and the day before that. However, the season is still quiet. And thus I persevere. Somehow.
20 November 2007
Finally. DSL has been installed here at the house in Texas. No longer will I be forced to drive to another town to go to a cafe for wifi access. It was going to take 10-12 days, then maybe more because of the holiday, before it was installed. I called and said… I really have to work here, is there anyway we can get this expedited? Lo and behold, the phone company guy came out today, I picked up the modem and installed it myself today along with a el cheapo wireless router. There are some advantages to being in a tiny town — very little bureaucratic overhead. I have been liberated. I can work, surf and play Warcraft without leaving home. This alone makes me more happy than I can possibly express.
8 November 2007
Well, in the bay which is about 3.5 miles from my house, anyway. Photo from SFGate. I never thought I’d see this in the San Francisco Bay. A cargo ship ran into one of the pilings of the Bay Bridge. Luckily the bridge wasn’t damaged. but with all the navigation equipment and radar and just looking out the window, how does a big ship like that crash into a bridge!? Original reports say that “only 140 gallons” of fuel was spilled. The correct number revealed later, was 58,000 gallons. We will be dealing with the aftermath from this for a long, long time.
7 November 2007
Suddenly, I’m going to Texas to deal with some family stuff. I leave on Monday. Probably for at least a month. Possibly longer. I have some people there that I really care about, but honestly, I couldn’t care less for the place. 28 years there was quite enough for me, thank you very much. But I’m going. Hey Houston peeps! (You know who you are). I’m gonna need lots of alcohol and distractions! At least I’ll get to see you all more than just the occasional annual trip. Bright side, right?
5 November 2007
This month is National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo as it’s called. Take one month, write a 50,000 word novel. Don’t worry about how good it is. It can be 50,000 words of mindless drivel. The point is just to get it done. Get over the fear of writing and just write. Accomplish something. And I signed up. Again. This is actually my 3rd year to sign up. Trouble is, I’ve never really gotten past the 500 word mark. And I signed up again this year, thinking… if Libby can run a triathlon and then run a half-marathon two weeks later (Go Libby Go! You Rock!), I can do this.
But I came to the conclusion yesterday, I just don’t want to write a novel. Rather, perhaps I’ll write one someday. But not today, I just don’t have the real interest. And honestly, I just don’t have the time right now.
It’s also National Blog Posting Month, or NaBloPoMo. I written haphazardly in one blog or another for years and years now. I’ve had blogs using a variety of software, from Greymatter to Movable Type to WordPress (this blog brought to you by WordPress). I remember signing up for an account on Blogger when it was all shiny and new and not owned by our Google Overlords. Haphazardly being the operative word here. Sometimes months have gone by between postings in previous my previous weblog incarnations. This is something I can do, even though I’m joining a little late in the game (merry Guy Fawkes Night), I’m going to give this my best. I’m going to write one post a day for the rest of the month.
Any one care to join me?